It Is Well…Even When It Doesn’t Make Sense It The Moment��
These last two years have been the most refining years of my entire life, and this last year the toughest of my entire life. I’m sorry I have not written. I have had so much to wrestle through internally. I love the saying, “When words fail, music speaks.” That has always been true for me. Music is one of the deepest and main ways I feel and communicate. Sometimes a song can speak the exact longings, values, truths of my heart. I know I have been somewhat silent this last year. I have not blogged or been on Facebook much. Between the busy task of everyday life, moves, transitions, and my families needs, I haven’t had much time, except to rest and process the moment. As Mathew 6:34 says, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
I wish I could honestly say that I live that out daily, but I can’t, I don’t. I have moments of keeping my eyes on Jesus, and moments of falling apart. I do not know if you know him, or what your faith belief is. All I can do is share my own story, and he is in every part of it. When I think back to the planning stages, when we were still in our old house, selling and donating most of our belongings, working through closing the door of our hearts to old dreams, I had so much anticipation for the future. It was scary to relinquish control, and at the same time exciting. Had I known what was to come, all that would go terribly wrong, the way my heart would struggle and grieve, I’m not sure I would have walked this path. Who would? So it is a process every time my mind wrestles with our present circumstances, my disappointment, to hold onto what God has spoken through the storm. Some of it has been through music, some through devotionals, some through people, his Word, and through journaling. Isn’t he creative!?��I am forever changed in how I view my time here on Earth, my values, how my time is spent. I’ve learned that others may reject you when they don’t “get” you or understand the choices you make. God has taken away my “control” as I surrender it to him, then when I struggle with trusting him, he speaks peace to my heart. When I am emotionally burnt out, he gives me grace and rest. I wonder how the disciples coped when they left everything to follow Jesus. I wonder what Noah’s wife felt when people mocked her family in the streets. I wonder how Abraham felt when God told him to make a sacrifice after his waiting decades for a son. I wonder how a few of the Israelites felt as they wandered the desert. I wonder how Mary felt after Jesus was born and they had to flee to Egypt. I wonder how Paul felt as he sat in jail.
It intrigues me when non-Christians ridicule us, as if becoming a Christ-follower, a Christian changes the fact that we are human, sinners, struggle, and endure pain just like them. The difference is that we are learning how to put Jesus at the center of our life, instead of ourself. And it is a life-long process. We are not even close to perfect, and we know it. I fail daily. I struggle with choosing life, God’s truth, every moment of every day. When I choose truth, I feel peace in the deepest part of my soul. And when I am weak, tired, and struggling to choose truth, that is when I turn to music to speak God’s truth to me. Therefore, I’d like to share a list of songs that have served as life lines of truth for me this year!
These songs speak so clearly my heart, why I do what I do, and why I am willing to make bold moves if it be God’s will. Learning to trust him is a far better reward than a big house in a nice neighborhood. The Lord looks at the heart. ... See MoreSee Less